Alleyways To Torah

rebbe i must apologize because i dont know any polite way to say this and i do remember you saying that if anyone ever had a problem with something you did or said they should tell you about it so i decided i would. The shuir was great but people here this stuff all the time and i dont know about other people but i have never heard any advice with what to do when a person has to go out side and walk in the street. you make it seem impossible to live in this world. what should a person do if they were invited to someones house for shabbat and that person has a daughter close to your age or a wife who is withing ten years of your age. i think its very hard to tell the difference in age between a 19 and 29 year old women. or lets say they stam have some other girl over who happens to be your age. normally i wouldnt go to that persons house if i knew of this but they didnt think it was an issue and so they invited you as well. where you suppose to ask if there were going to be any girls over as well. what do you do when there 8 years daughter jumps on me because she thinks it funny?
thank you

Meir - You said it very politely!

One must live in this world. That is al we have. Shmiras Einaim is much easier on Mars but there are other problems there [and a lot of Mars bars - do they still exist?].

When one is walking down the street he should try to look down. If he needs to look up and he sees something inappropriate he is "anus" and has done NOTHING wrong. If there is no reason to go out he shouldn't. Example - [I don't know what country you are in but let's say America] On a sunday afternoon one should not take a tiyul in Central Park. There is no reason to be there and the ladies there are not dressed [if we apply the talmudic principle of roobo kikoolo..]. But if one needs to go to work or school it is muttar to go out [trying of course to travel in the least populated road - darka acharina - see bava basra 58 - i think].

If you are someones house and they have a girl over - there is no issur. You should be polite but not overly friendly. Normal and "chilled".

If an 8 year old girl jumps on you and thinks its funny - I would laugh and stand up [in such a way that she doesn't realize that you aren't comfortable].

In general - we are living in a generation when there are so many disortions in the sexual realm [affairs and much much worse vihamayvin yavin] we such be pruod that we are trying our best to achieve maximal purity!!

Just because we can't live the ideal DOESN'T mean we shouldn't try our best. Mashal: A person wants to be a millionare - just because he is not getting there doesn't mean he should quit and not try to get as close as possible.

THANK G-D that there are people like you who care. Unfortunately many have raised their hands and conceded defeat. Chaval.

Feel free to continue the correspondence if you would like.

Thank you for responding. keeping your head down is much easier said than done. imagine putting a table full of sweets in front of a child and telling him not to eat anything. explain to him that if he eats from the sweets he will get terrible stomach pains and cavities in his teeth. then leave him and see if he is able to control himself. a single male anywhere from 15 until he is married has to put up this same fight every time he goes outside. So i thought maybe i could distract myself when walking by chazering the blatt that i have most recently learn't. this way when im looking down i wont start to wonder about what is going on around me. sometimes it works but sometimes i dont have the choyach to focus on my learning while i am walking. what should i do?
thank you

As if after you are married is a cake-walk...

Rav Volbe wouldn't tell his students not to go outside because eventually they would have to. Instead he would have them practice thinking about some difficult problem with a gemara and they would thus be distracted.

If one is listening to a shiur - or even, to a lesser extent, music he is too distracted to notice.

One can also try to focus on anything that involves the intellect [e.g. how do I convince my Dad to lend me his car keys, what should I get Mom for her birthday].

Once you are married it IS easier - if your wife does all the shopping and you work from home. Otherwise - the nisyonos never end....
But that is the purpose pf life - to overcome!