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Clinging To The Right Person


The Torah gives only one direct piece of instruction about marriage. "Therefore, a man should LEAVE his mother and father, cling to his wife and they will become one flesh."

The other day I met yet another person who marriage was DESTROYED in no small part thanks to his in-laws. So please! When you get married make SURE to keep both a geographical and emotional distance from the parents on both sides. Respect them, love them, serve them, visit them, pray for them, but remember that your spouse is number one.

Many young men can't distance themselves from their mothers. Gentlemen, sorry! Your mother is already married. You have your own wife. Move on!!

Young ladies, you can still go shopping with mom, but she is now in distant second place. If there is ever a contradiction between your husband and parents the halacha is clear - husband wins!

For parents - if your kids need financial help and you are able and willing to provide, sign checks and then stay out of their business! You think you are helping but more often than not, the opposite is the case. You want to help - keep a low profile. Love them, give emotional support, buy presents for the grandchildren and then go elsewhere. If the kids are old enough to get married, they can work things out on their own. If they need help you can't really help anyway as you are not objective! Let somebody who IS objective help if necessary.

Love and blessings to all!!

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About me

  • I'm Rabbi Ally Ehrman
  • From Old City Jerusalem, Israel
  • I am a Rebbe in Yeshivat Netiv Aryeh.
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