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But She Is 70 Years Older Than I Am!

Dear Rav Ally

Question Halacha L'maaseh. There is a 97 year old woman who likes to kiss me when she sees me. Is there any heter for me to allow her to do so?

G.C.

Dear G.C.

I was recently reading the auto-biography of the former Chief Rabbi of Israel Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau Shlita. It is a fascinating book. He went through the horrors of the Holocaust and lost his family as a young child. He then cane to Israel and was zoche to learn and teach Torah until he was appointed Chief Rabbi. He relates about many interesting events that he witnessed and people he met.

One time he went to meet the Pope. To make a long story short, at the end of the meeting the Pope extended his hand to Rebbetzin Lau. She didn't shake it!! One of the Popes aides whispered something in his ear [to the effect of "Jewish women don't shake hands with men"] and the Pope quickly made a hand movement to save them both from a potentially embarrassing situation.

Rebbetzin Lau has a lot of Yiras Shomayim!!!

She was more concerned with "offending" Hashem than she was with offending the Pope. Halacha is Halacha - even when we are not so comfortable with it.

Any to get back to your question - I asked Rav Nevenzahl Shlita and he said that is forbidden even if the woman is 97 years old. I add a blessing that she should kiss [other women and family members] for many healthy years to come!!

Love and Blessings

Your Faithful Servant

P.S. I know that there are those Rabbonim who permit one to passively allow one from the opposite gender to shake their hand. But not hugging and kissing.

Isn't the reason for negiya the fact that it could lead to more than just hugging and kissing. If thats the case, why would a 97 year old women cause a problem?

some rishonim ( rabenu yonah) say that the hugs and kisses are a deroysa and not a derabonon

R' Chaim Yehoshua means that it is inherently forbidden and not just a fence.

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About me

  • I'm Rabbi Ally Ehrman
  • From Old City Jerusalem, Israel
  • I am a Rebbe in Yeshivat Netiv Aryeh.
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